There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
