its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
