Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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