he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
