did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
