Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
