you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
