Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
