If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
