He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
