So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
