I'm really into asian looking animals
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I want a musical about memes.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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