Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I see more hoeing in ur future
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