Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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