I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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