I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
