69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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