she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
