i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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