i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
