we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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