new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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