I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
