At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
