the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
