I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
