Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
