Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
