one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
