There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize