I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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