Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
