His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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