just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
