I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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