In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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