I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I believe in your delicious
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
