i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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