well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
