Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
