I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
