The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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