I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
