Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
