i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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