He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
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The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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