found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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