I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
