I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
