Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
