Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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