This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
