even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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