i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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