Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
