No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
