I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
