Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
