wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
