she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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