Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
there is glitter all over my balls
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