After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
where are you?
Hypothermia
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
