Whod you bang
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
