so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
