Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
