dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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