just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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