Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
