You smell like stripper and shame
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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