Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
