He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
splinters make it hard to masturbate
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
