There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
