Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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